I knew it wouldn’t be easy to change the way I eat, live, think, and work! I knew there would be times when living my goals would be difficult but I didn’t expect to be completely devastated the first day back at school. I came home exhausted and emotionally spent, and it was only meetings – no students!
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| Sometimes, the journey is uphill! |
I always picture perfectionists as thin, ultra neat, impeccably dressed, with great organization skills… And I’m not any of those things. But just the same, I think I am a perfectionist because I feel like a failure when I’m not perfect. I feel like I’ve failed the school and my department and my students when I don’t give 110%. I feel like I’ve failed my friends and family when I do things for myself. I feel like I have personally failed the world when I hear a news report on obesity and all the trouble it causes. And I felt like a complete failure today when I couldn’t even handle a single day of meetings without feeling overwhelmed and wanting to come home and eat everything in sight. All I could think about was, what will happen when I’m teaching all day?
So what did I do? I called a friend! And she listened. And she told me I wasn’t insane. And it was okay to feel exhausted and scared. And it was okay to take care of myself. And I wasn’t a bad person because I couldn’t do everything. I’m glad I have a friend who can encourage me and tell me I’m okay, because I’m not always able to tell myself those things yet.
Because I know how easy it is to get off track and lose sight of my goals, I am terrified of making a mistake. If I miss an exercise session, what if I don’t start again? If I splurge and eat too much, what if I stop eating healthy? If I don’t work every weekend, what if my students don’t do as well on the state tests? If I take care of myself, what if I become selfish? I think I need to learn to fail, or make a mistake, or be less than perfect with my goals, and then, recover from the “failure” if I want to actually achieve my goals. A friend said that we should embrace our mistakes because they help us become who we are. If I look at mistakes as learning and growing opportunities, I feel much more positive about myself.
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| I want to accomplish my goals but I don't want to be so terrified, I'm afraid to move because I might make a mistake. |
I guess I need to find a way to be successful without being perfect. Or maybe, I just need to realize that I am successful even when I am not perfect if I don’t stop trying.
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| Life has thorns. It's impossible to be perfect. I need to find the beauty of my life even when it is not perfect. |
And thank goodness for friends who remind me about the good things when I can’t remember them myself, who support me when I’m feeling weak, and care about me even though I’m not perfect.
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| Thank goodness I have friends to "share my log". |
So how did I do with my goals this week – not quite perfectly.
I made cookies. I “veganized” Ellie Krieger’s Kitchen Sink Cookies. However, I ate only 1 cookie and I took the rest to school to share with others. They were delicious and “healthy” considering they were cookies.
"Veganized" Kitchen Sink Cookies by Ellie Krieger
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| I forgot to take pictures of my cookies so this picture is from the Cooking Channel. (Honestly, I thought my cookies looked better.) I changed them to fit my vegan diet and my personal taste. You can find the original cookie recipe at the Cooking Channel.) |
Ingredients
• 2 tablespoons vegan margarine
• 2 tablespoons canola oil
• 1/3 cup light brown sugar
• 1/4 cup applesauce
• 1 Tb Egg Replacer (I used Bob’s Red Mill)
• 4 TB of Almond Milk
• 1 teaspoon vanilla
• 2/3 cup whole-wheat pastry flour
• 1/2 cup oatmeal
• 1/4 teaspoon salt
• 1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon
• 1/2 cup “craisins” (cherry flavored)
• 1/4 cup lightly toasted walnuts, chopped
• 2 ounces dark chocolate, chopped into small pieces
Directions
Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Combine margarine, oil and brown sugar and mix until mixture is light and fluffy. Mix egg replacer with almond milk. Add applesauce, egg replacer mixture and vanilla and mix to combine. Add flour, oatmeal, salt and cinnamon and mix just until just combined. Add craisins, walnuts and chocolate and mix to combine.
Line cookie sheet with parchment paper or spray with cooking spray. Divide the cookie dough into 12 cookies. Press cookies down with the palm of your hand to flatten slightly. Bake about 11 minutes, or until lightly browned but still soft. Remove from oven and cool on racks.
I have exercised every day but I feel that I need to put in more effort. I still keep having physical problems – this week it’s my foot. I haven’t let it stop me but it might be slowing me down some. As for eating, I ate healthy foods but I think my serving sizes were a little big. The result – one pound lost. And that will just have to be okay.
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| Last Week |
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| This Week |
And at school, I haven’t gotten enough work done and I’ve already had a meltdown. The meltdown was after I got home when I realized I was never going to get “enough” work done. From now until June, I am going to have too much to do. My goal is to figure out how to redefine “enough”.
Obviously, finding peace and happiness has been a struggle. I’ve struggled with acceptance, being overly critical of myself, placing too many demands on myself… However, I also have sought out help from a friend, did the things that are good for me even when I wanted to give up, and spent time doing the things I love – like walking in the gardens and watching “Supernatural” (my new addiction – at least it’s calorie free).
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| Last Week |
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| This Week |
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| Favorite Picture of the Week |
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