Enjoying the Moment

So the first week of school is over.

I have eaten healthy.  I have exercised. I have gotten home from school in time to make a healthy dinner, even though they weren’t always the most exciting dinners.  (Wednesday, it just wasn't quite enough food - so I ate some toast after dinner.  Still it could have been worse – I could have eaten an entire carton of ice cream!)  And, I did lose weight.

Last Week

This Week

I've mostly been patient with my students. (There was the incident with a group of boys pushing and pinching each other as they stood in line waiting to pick up their books, when my voice was a little sharp, but I didn’t scream at them.) I worried about my class that has only 11 students (2 autistic, 2 special ed., and all ESL) who need extra help and will soon be joined by 15 to 30 more students as the classes get settled.  (I was promised that the class wouldn’t have more than 40 students in it but that wasn’t really a comfort.) 

I'm not sure I can face a class of 40 the last period of the day.

I did get everything that had to be done, done.  Did I get everything I wanted to get done? No.  Did I do everything perfectly?  No.  I still haven’t gotten my “school legs”.  By the end of the day my voice was tired, my feet were tired, my body was tired, and my brain was tired! I have survived the week and consider it a good week but I’m not sure I enjoyed the moments of the week.

I think being tired and worrying about things that might make my life difficult but hadn’t happened yet (like a class of 40 high maintenance students), kept me from completely living and enjoying the moments of this week as they were happening.  I do need to be prepared for the “danger zones” that might derail my progress, but is worrying about something that hasn’t happened yet, a productive use of my time.   The answer to that question is easy – of course not!  However, is it good to think of things that might go wrong or might be difficult and plan what I would do in those circumstances so I’m not blindsided?  Or is it best, to just wait and see what happens and then react?  These questions are not so easy for me to answer.

I have to face the fact that from now until June I'm going to have more to do than I can possibly get done (even w/ Jack's help).  I have to make choices and I can't always choose work!

There are things I want to achieve or reach during this year – a specific weight, stronger muscles and more energy, a good relationship with my students, a movie of my weekly visits to the gardens, etc. And, I also have responsibilities required by my job, my life, my doctor – a clean, organized house and classroom, good test scores for my students, lowered blood pressure and cholesterol, etc.  I’m not going to achieve these things quickly.   And I know I can’t wait until I achieve them before I start enjoying life.  I have to love what I’m doing now.  Is it possible to enjoy the process of losing weight and not just the weight loss?  Is it possible to enjoy the ups AND downs of teaching my students and not just the good grades or high-test scores?  Can I learn to take the time to enjoy the journey and not just the final destinations? 

I want to take time to enjoy the flowers before they are just petals on the ground.

And I do believe that “taking time” is the key.  This next week, I want to pause now and then and “love the moment”.  I want to mentally slow down and let the moment register in my brain while I’m cooking, or eating, or exercising, or teaching, or appreciating a student’s funny comment, or helping a student learn from a mistake, or acknowledging the mistake I have made.  I’m pretty sure, I’m more likely to eat healthy, stay peaceful, be energetic, and find balance, if I’m enjoying the here and now rather than worrying and waiting for future events.


I tried to enjoy the here and now in the garden this week

I might have missed this great spider web,

or this rabbit hiding in the leaves, if I didn't slow down and take my time.

This week's favorite recipe:  Vegan Broccoli-Spinach Soup

Start with Onions

Add Broccoli & Canned Potatoes (which help it become "creamy")

Add Broth & Spinach

Blend, Add Non-Dairy Milk, & Vegan Cheese

Ingredients:

1 small brown onion, diced

2-3 cloves of garlic, minced

3 cups of fresh broccoli, chopped (1-2 stalks)

1 bag of spinach

1 can of sliced potatoes

1 carton of veggie broth

1 TB Bill’s Chick-nish (or other "chicken" flavoring)

1 ½ cups non-dairy milk (plain, unsweetened almond milk)

salt & pepper to taste

Directions:

1.     Sauté onion & garlic in a pan sprayed with cooking spray until slightly browned.

2.    Add chopped broccoli and continue cooking for 4-5 minutes, stirring occasionally.

3.    Add drained potatoes and bag of spinach.

4.    Add veggie broth until vegetables are just covered.  Simmer until broccoli is tender.  Allow to cool slightly.

5.    Blend soup until smooth.

6.    Add non-dairy milk and salt & pepper to taste.

7.    Serve hot with vegan cheese.

This week's Favorite Pictures: The Beauty of Bark

Green Bark

Rough Bark

Thorny Bark

Creepy Bark

Friends and Failures

I knew it wouldn’t be easy to change the way I eat, live, think, and work!  I knew there would be times when living my goals would be difficult but I didn’t expect to be completely devastated the first day back at school.  I came home exhausted and emotionally spent, and it was only meetings – no students!

Sometimes, the journey is uphill!

I always picture perfectionists as thin, ultra neat, impeccably dressed, with great organization skills…  And I’m not any of those things. But just the same, I think I am a perfectionist because I feel like a failure when I’m not perfect.    I feel like I’ve failed the school and my department and my students when I don’t give 110%.  I feel like I’ve failed my friends and family when I do things for myself.  I feel like I have personally failed the world when I hear a news report on obesity and all the trouble it causes. And I felt like a complete failure today when I couldn’t even handle a single day of meetings without feeling overwhelmed and wanting to come home and eat everything in sight. All I could think about was, what will happen when I’m teaching all day? 

So what did I do?  I called a friend!  And she listened.  And she told me I wasn’t insane.  And it was okay to feel exhausted and scared.  And it was okay to take care of myself.  And I wasn’t a bad person because I couldn’t do everything.  I’m glad I have a friend who can encourage me and tell me I’m okay, because I’m not always able to tell myself those things yet.

Because I know how easy it is to get off track and lose sight of my goals, I am terrified of making a mistake.  If I miss an exercise session, what if I don’t start again?  If I splurge and eat too much, what if I stop eating healthy?  If I don’t work every weekend, what if my students don’t do as well on the state tests?  If I take care of myself, what if I become selfish? I think I need to learn to fail, or make a mistake, or be less than perfect with my goals, and then, recover from the “failure” if I want to actually achieve my goals.  A friend said that we should embrace our mistakes because they help us become who we are.  If I look at mistakes as learning and growing opportunities, I feel much more positive about myself.

I want to accomplish my goals but I don't want to be so terrified, I'm afraid to move because I might make a mistake.

I guess I need to find a way to be successful without being perfect.  Or maybe, I just need to realize that I am successful even when I am not perfect if I don’t stop trying.

Life has thorns.  It's impossible to be perfect.  I need to find the beauty of my life even when it is not perfect.

And thank goodness for friends who remind me about the good things when I can’t remember them myself, who support me when I’m feeling weak, and care about me even though I’m not perfect.

Thank goodness I have friends to "share my log".

So how did I do with my goals this week – not quite perfectly.

I made cookies.  I “veganized” Ellie Krieger’s Kitchen Sink Cookies.  However, I ate only 1 cookie and I took the rest to school to share with others.  They were delicious and “healthy” considering they were cookies.

"Veganized" Kitchen Sink Cookies by Ellie Krieger

I forgot to take pictures of my cookies so this picture is from the Cooking Channel.  (Honestly, I thought my cookies looked better.)  I changed them to fit my vegan diet and my personal taste.  You can find the original cookie recipe at the Cooking Channel.)

Ingredients

•                2 tablespoons vegan margarine

•                2 tablespoons canola oil

•                1/3 cup light brown sugar

•                1/4 cup applesauce

•                1 Tb Egg Replacer (I used Bob’s Red Mill)

•                4 TB of Almond Milk

•                1 teaspoon vanilla

•                2/3 cup whole-wheat pastry flour

•                1/2 cup oatmeal

•                1/4 teaspoon salt

•                1/4 teaspoon ground cinnamon

•                1/2 cup “craisins” (cherry flavored)

•                1/4 cup lightly toasted walnuts, chopped

•                2 ounces dark chocolate, chopped into small pieces

Directions

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.

Combine margarine, oil and brown sugar and mix until mixture is light and fluffy. Mix egg replacer with almond milk.  Add applesauce, egg replacer mixture and vanilla and mix to combine. Add flour, oatmeal, salt and cinnamon and mix just until just combined. Add craisins, walnuts and chocolate and mix to combine.

Line cookie sheet with parchment paper or spray with cooking spray.  Divide the cookie dough into 12 cookies. Press cookies down with the palm of your hand to flatten slightly.  Bake about 11 minutes, or until lightly browned but still soft. Remove from oven and cool on racks.

I have exercised every day but I feel that I need to put in more effort.  I still keep having physical problems – this week it’s my foot.  I haven’t let it stop me but it might be slowing me down some.  As for eating, I ate healthy foods but I think my serving sizes were a little big.  The result – one pound lost.  And that will just have to be okay.

Last Week

This Week

And at school, I haven’t gotten enough work done and I’ve already had a meltdown.  The meltdown was after I got home when I realized I was never going to get “enough” work done.  From now until June, I am going to have too much to do.  My goal is to figure out how to redefine “enough”.

Obviously, finding peace and happiness has been a struggle.  I’ve struggled with acceptance, being overly critical of myself, placing too many demands on myself…  However, I also have sought out help from a friend, did the things that are good for me even when I wanted to give up, and spent time doing the things I love – like walking in the gardens and watching “Supernatural” (my new addiction – at least it’s calorie free).

Last Week

This Week

Favorite Picture of the Week

Inertia, Both Friend and Foe

In science we learn, that because of inertia, it takes some force to change an object’s motion.  Whether you want it to get going or you want it to stop, you need a force.  I also need a little force to overcome my own inertia.  Ben Stein said, “So many fail because they don't get started - they don't go. They don't overcome inertia. They don't begin.”  For me, the hardest part of a new routine, exercising, cooking a healthy dinner or any change is overcoming the inertia and getting started.

Like my students, I have had to learn about overcoming and using inertia through experimentation.

If I’m comfortable in bed and it’s dark outside and I could sleep an extra hour, it isn’t easy to get up early and exercise.  If I’ve been teaching 7^th & 8^th graders all day, and driven through traffic, and I’m just plain tired, it isn’t easy to prepare a healthy meal.  If I usually laze around in my pj’s on Sunday, or walk the shortest route to my destination, or eat Mac & Cheese when I’ve had a bad day, it isn’t easy to change those routines into healthier routines.

At first light of dawn, I need to be exercising not sleeping.

But one thing I have found, is that once I get started, it is easier to keep going.  If I get up and immediately put on my exercise clothes and shoes and force myself to begin, I normally finish my exercise routine.  If I’ve plan ahead and I start fixing dinner BEFORE I sit down, we are more likely to eat healthy meals rather than unhealthy “pick-up” meals.  For me, the trick is to force myself to begin, and then, my inertia works for me and I keep going in the new direction.

I have found I can establish new healthy routines and keep them going.  It takes a lot of force in the beginning and it hasn’t ever become easy for me (at least not yet) but once the new routines become patterns in my life, (and I’ve worked out all the difficulties), I can establish healthy habits.

This week's recipe shows how I need to plan ahead if I'm going to continue my new healthy routines.  The advantages of this recipe is that once all the prep is done it's easy and it's super healthy and it is easily made into a meal-to-go.  The disadvantage - there is a lot of "front-loading".  

This week's recipe is Sausage, Roasted Veggies, & Grain.

Not always pretty, but always a very healthy and delicious meal.

Step 1:  Prepare Grains.  Luckily for me I have a rice maker and I have discovered rice makers work for lots of grain.  I prepare brown rice, quinoa, wheat bulgar, barley, Kashi, buckwheat - a couple of different grains per week.   I place 1/2 cup of the grain into baggies and freeze.

Step 2:  I chop a lot of different vegetables - squash, zucchini, cauliflower, sweet potato, peppers, onion, celery - what ever I've got.  I place them on cooking sheets sprayed with cooking spray and sprinkle veggies with Mrs. Dash's Herb Blends (no salt).  Roast in oven until soft and speckled with brown.  Place in containers in fridge.

Step 3:  Prepare 2 ounce vegan sausage (I use Lightlife) patties, which I bake in the oven until brown, then store in fridge.

Preparing recipe is now easy - Place all ingredients (grain of choice, veggies, crumbled soy sausage patty, and a little vegan cheese) in tin foil with cooking spray.  Pop in toaster oven while I'm exercising and I have a very healthy breakfast.  And if I'm running late, I can take it with me.  It's almost as easy as pouring a bowl of cereal - except for the massive amounts of prep I had to do.

Here’s what I think is unfair.  It takes a tremendous amount of effort and concentration and repeated practice and time - for me to establish these healthy routines.  But it only takes a few mistakes – some missed mornings of exercise, a few too many treats, too many days of overwork and under planning – and boom, my healthy habits have disappeared! 

I have to be careful, or the "this is a special occasion", the "just this once treat", the "missed because of a really good reason exercise session" can become the rule instead of the exception and then I lose the positive inertia that helps me move forward.

On Earth, objects eventually stop.  There are just too many forces acting on the objects for them to keep them moving.  Maybe in the past, forces & bad habits have worked against my healthy routines.  But I have a new determination and it is possible to overcome inertia, it is possible to establish healthy routines, and it is possible to reach goals.  Currently, I’m not sure how to sustain these routines and goals long term but at least I’ve got started and my inertia (an object in motion stays in motion!) is working for me.

So how have I’ve been doing on my goals...

Eating and exercise – successful this week.  And, I’ve lost 2 more pounds. Yea!  I have also noticed less pain and more energy, which I’m going to need as soon as school starts.

Last Week's Weight

This Week's Weight

I am reading the book: The Power of Rest: Why Sleep Alone is Not Enough by Matthew Edlund, M.D.  I think that being rested and rejuvenated during the day is essential to feeling positive and peaceful.  I’ve only read the first chapter but many of the physical things I’m doing are helping me feel more  “up” both physically and mentally.  Of course, the real test will come after school starts but maybe I’ll find even more help in the remaining nine chapters. 

As for school, I’m trying to use my time wisely.  I went to school for a few mornings on my own time so I wouldn’t have to feel rushed.  My room is ready and hopefully, I am too.

The gardens were amazing this week – so green, so fresh – again,I felt so connected with the world when I was walking.  It gave me that peaceful and happy feeling I formally associated with a religious experience and it didn’t come with any guilt or crushing responsibilities.

A change this week - the arbor was set for a wedding.

Last Week - Closed Bud

This Week - Flowers

Last Week

This Week

Favorite Picture - Busy Bees on a Sunflower